I need out of my job. I had figured out I didn't care for the travel, but when my supervisor announced he was leaving a flood of new reasons came. I am suddenly incredibly nervous about who my new supervisor will be. They announced an internal hire. Sure, I will apply, but I don't even know if I want the job. It would mean more travel. Not to mention the fact other staff have been here longer, I know they would resent me. As it is, one staff has already started treating everyone differently. I don't like it. We had a long conversation today about the position and she just kept asserting how she was a better fit for it and then finally said she'd be upset if they hired me. I already knew she'd be upset, she didn't need to say it. I don't know if it was meant to be intimidating or manipulative, but either way that's not the sort of person I want as my supervisor. I had already decided there were staff that if hired, I'd be on the quickest train out. I now feel like I should consider joining the quickest train out asap.
I think my conflicted feeling about this situation stems from others feeling like I am some how inadequate. I know I would be one heck of a supervisor, I have the skill set, I have the experience, I have the education, and I'm a compassionate person. I just despise the idea that my co-workers are already discussing why they don't think I should be hired and that they'd be upset. I have worked really hard to get where I am in life, to gather experience beyond what most people my age have, and somehow I always find myself in this place of not feeling like others take me seriously. For example, here there is always a big deal about age. I hate that. Why should a number decide how mature I am, how much experience I have, or how successful I will be? At the end of the day, I just feel a little trapped. There are not a bazillion job openings and I don't want to just leave to be in a lurch or find myself somewhere I don't enjoy. I just wish there were more options. So, I will pray. This isn't exactly a situation to lose sleep over. I know there is some grand plan for me just waiting to unfold. In the mean time I just wish things were a little bit better.
In other news we are getting our first snow of the season!!! It's beautiful. I lost 2.2 lbs today at my Weight Watcher's meeting. Woohoo! Oh and prayers for my dear friend W. She is nearing her due date for their baby girl. We pray she can hang in there, mom can be healthy, and all goes smoothly. Also, prayers for our friend's 2 year old niece. She is on ventilators after an asthma attack and may not walk or talk again. There is brain damage, but no one will no the extent until she is out of her drug induced coma. Thanks for all your thoughts, prayers, and love.
I will pray for the little 2 year old... that is awful and for your friends delievery and for you! I hope everything works out perfectly with all of the above!
ReplyDeleteAlso.... good job at weight watchers! :) No fair I want some snow! it's getting cold enough but still nothing
ReplyDeleteSo what your apparently older yet not so mature coworkers need to realize, is that life experience determines maturity. That being said, they apparently also forget that a degree does actually mean something, especially a master's degree. That is basically the knowledge fast track, an investment you made that your coworkers did not that automatically sets you up for a better position in the job market. Well and hey, if they are upset if you get the job, maybe they will find themselves on their way out also, and you can hire less toxic employees. That is my two cents.
ReplyDeleteI am praying for W and this little girl. I hope they are taken care of.