Following Directions

Hypothetically speaking let's say I am rageful at the moment. Despite having vented this story 6 times to 6 different people, I am still mad. I am mad at the situation, disappointed with the individuals involved, and angry at myself for being so rageful! Have you ever heard that saying about the only person who can control your emotions is you? At this moment, I am just not doing a very good job of controlling how upset I am. Here is the story...

We are overloaded at work. We just have too much work to do in a given week. We are all passionate about the reason we are working, so usually we just get the job done. In fact, I even like my job, I just dislike the hours and not getting to see my husband. Anyway, on most weeks I am okay with work as long as we are all working as a team, people are being respectful, and everyone is working to the best of their ability. While we stressed about the amount of work, we are a good team and somehow make it all happen. To make work less stressful, we recently hired an assistant to share. Four of us share one person. This works out really well...the sharing part that is. We each get one day of the person's time. This person has worked in our office for three weeks. If you calculate this out, that means he has worked with me three times. I actually, have gotten a little more of his time because other staff didn't need him on their days.

Wonderful, right? I get the help I need! Wonderful, except for the fact he has messed something up EVERY day he has worked with me. Now, I am okay with errors. After all, an error isn't a mistake until you refuse to correct it. I genuinely believe(d) that people try their best and no one wants to be the person causing problems or making errors. Accidents happen, God knows I have made my fair share of mistakes and will continue to be erroneous. However, I am always trying my best.

The mistakes started out small, mailing a package without the materials we needed included. I politely made him aware of his error and asked him to correct it. The same day I gave him written instructions, he didn't follow them and brought me a finished product with lots of missing information. Sternly, I pointed out which steps on the printed instructions he had missed and asked him to correct them. I asked him to cut a bunch of papers with the paper cutter. He insisted on cutting them by hand with scissors, which is less professional looking and less accurate. Even once I asked him to please stop cutting each paper by hand with scissors and to start using the paper cutter (which is much more efficient), I still came in to find him using scissors. Even after correcting him again, I walked in to see him creating a crease to cut the papers with. Now the crease would need to be a straight line for a straight cut, right? Not in his world...he made a rounded crease on a round table. At this point I quit battling the paper cutting. Last week, he sent me an e-mail saying he didn't complete the tasks assigned because someone pulled him off of my work. I was frustrated, Friday is my day for help! I asked everyone if they had needed him and everyone said they hadn't. When I asked him about it, he said I had pulled him off my own projects to have him work on other projects. This confused me because I still had three hours of his time unaccounted for, not to mention he didn't finish a single project. Rather than start one project and finish it, he started five and got half way done with all of them. Now, at this point, me being the communications scholar I am decide I must not be communicating very well.

To aid this I spend time to type up a list of projects for this past Friday. I write at the top of the paper that the projects are in priority order and should be completed AFTER helping another staff who had an event this weekend. I then broke out in priority order which tasks needed to be done, provided hard copies for printing, and step by step instructions. After I typed these all up, I verbally went through the list. Just in case he didn't learn by reading or listening, I showed him with some hands-on-learning what needed to happen. Short of acting out his task list, I tried to communicate as clearly as possible what should be done. To make sure my instructions would be understood while I was out on Friday, I also explained them to our office manager. I told them if there were any questions they could call my cell phone. I would be in town, just helping my in-laws move. I would have my phone on and be available for questions. Fairly certain I had created clear instructions, I left the office.

I had a delightful weekend helping the family move and hanging out with my awesome husband. We went to a home and garden show, we watched the Olympics, and I finished my FAFSA. Last night I realized I work every evening this week from Sunday-Thursday. Tomorrow I travel, so this afternoon I stopped by my office. My office is a 15 minute drive the opposite direction of where I am traveling to and to make life easier I grabbed all the materials I needed so I wouldn't have to get my rental car, then go in to the office, then leave town. As I grabbed my printed materials, I noticed the check list I had left the assistant. He had checked off all the projects. I looked to see if everything was in order. That's when I noticed a project that looked slightly off. At first I looked down and thought, "Crap, did I spell July wrong and have him make copies?" Then, I realized that the entire page was not my work at all. I quickly shuffled through papers to find the original paper I had left for him to make copies of. He had written on the original, scratching things out and adding information in. I needed these copies made for a meeting I have Tuesday. Traveling tomorrow means I am out of the office and do not have time or supplies to re-do this project. I was instantly furious. WHY would someone take a simple project like running copies on special paper and re-type my work, adding in random information like someones phone number (might I add, I am not sure who's number it is) and completely ruin it?!?!?!?!?! I was so mad for going to my office on a Sunday. Next I was mad at the fact I don't have the supplies left to simply re-do the project. Then, I realized that someone thought they knew better than I did and attempted to re-do my work. Let me just point out...I am a talented individual with a degree and LOTS of experience in my line of work. I was hired and have been very successful, because I know what the heck I am doing. To work for me for three weeks and think you know better than I do and redo a project, makes me furious.

Now, I am going to go out on a limb and guess that some of the people reading this may not understand why this is such a big deal. To be honest, I am not quite sure why it infuriates me so much. I know part of it is because I work very hard to use resources wisely. The resources I bring in to my office go to a greater good and I make every possible attempt to be a good steward. Having to redo projects with supplies that took special approval in the first place is not good for our resources. It's also not good for time and staff management. I just feel like I work too hard and so do our volunteers to have someone not be able to follow simple instructions. I am also upset that no matter how hard I try to communicate effectively, this individual is still making errors. I am forgiving of people who accidentally mess up my projects. If someone accidentally spills coffee, it's okay. It's okay, because I trust it was not on purpose. When someone purposely doesn't follow directions and thinks they know better than I do, that apparently makes me nuts. So, aside from being frustrated that communication with this person is obviously failing and being upset that resources were lost, why am I so rageful??

I am putting this out to the universe. Right now I am pretty sure only four people read this and those four people know me well enough to know I am not an angry person. I am frustrated that this has gotten me so riled up. I just want to be happy. I know life isn't always happy, but life is too short to be this upset over a copy job. Thoughts?

Just for some closure, I am going to have a sit down meeting with the office manager who told my assistant it was okay to not follow my directions and the assistant who apparently isn't satisfied just being an assistant. I will bring my supervisor in to handle this issue. I am also considering giving up my day with the assistant. He is the same person I wrote about a couple days ago with smoking. It's not worth the stress. Great idea in the beginning to have an assistant, but this arrangement is not working. Since today was sort of my Monday, I hope my Tuesday (really Monday) gets better. Thanks for letting me vent and for any advice you might offer. Now off to do some deep breathing, read about relaxation techniques, and drink some tea. Hypothetically of course. Since this whole story started out as a hypothetical, we'll end it that way too. :-)

Preparing for the Spaghetti Squash Trilogy

I am in love with spaghetti squash! I was a little intimidated by this vegetable in the beginning, but now it's nearly a staple on our menu. I always choose a bright yellow squash without scuff marks if possible. Our grocery store only carries a small number at a time, so if they are in stock I often buy two. Once prepared, this squash can be used in various recipes or frozen. I usually start by washing the squash and removing any stickers or adhesive residue from stickers. I then cut the squash in half lengthwise. This can be the most difficult part of the process. I have read that this process can be made easier by putting the squash in the microwave for a couple of minutes. I usually just use my brute strength or ask the husband for help.

Once I get the squash cut, I use a large serving spoon to scoop out the seeds and guts. Originally, I was worried that I was scooping out the noodles, so I left the slimy guts inside. I quickly learned this was not accurate. Grab those guts and seeds!

Next I pour about a half inch of water into a baking dish. I then set my spaghetti squash cut side down. I preheat the oven to 375 degrees and bake my squash for 40 minutes. Once the squash comes out, I take a fork and pull out the "spaghetti". You might be pleasantly surprised with how much comes out of the squash. When I am done, there is just a thin shell left. From here the possibilities are endless! I will post three easy recipes very soon! This squash is wonderful with just about any seasoning or in place of spaghetti noodles. Oh and a serving is definitely under 300 calories!

Actress, model, dancer, whatever...

Today I accepted the job with the research study. Woohoo!! The best part was signing the paperwork. They had to come up with my job title. While I'm not a model or a dancer, they did list my job title as Actress. Haha, I love it! They also said they would renew my contract as long as they could. I just realized now though that I hope to not be eligible for that to happen. While being overweight finally has a perk, the benefits of losing weight are so much better! Although, this job does pay better than my real life job. The hours are also better. Hmm, I could get use to this!

The professor is a bit eccentric. He is just a little odd. He talks in a regular volume of voice to barely audible. At one point he and the other professor were literally talking at the same time. I found it sort of comical that they were studying human interaction and were both so quirky. At another point one of the men had to leave, but they wanted to make a hiring decision. So, they had a code word. Apparently, when they both said the same word, that meant I was hired. I told them both it was very important to me to see the results of the research in the end.

I think there is a large level of discrimination to the overweight and obese population. To date, very few research studies have been done. Most of them have been done around photos, they lack human interaction. I don't want sympathy because I'm overweight, but I do want people to be aware of their perceptions. I also want the same or similar opportunities as my slimmer friends. Now, I say similar because there are certain jobs that you shouldn't get because of physical conditions (in my opinion). For example, I don't think it would be fair for me to become a firefighter. I would hate to be the reason someone didn't make it out. Now, if I could meet the physical requirements, that would be a different story. I just think discrimination can be such a fine line.

Recently at work we have talked about discrimination a lot. A number of us want to specify that only non smokers can be employed. Obviously, this is not legal. On the other hand, I don't think it is fare I work in a close environment with someone wreaking of carcinogens. After all, they have done studies on third hand smoke...turns out first, second, and third hand smoke all suck. Yep, they suck the life right out of you. Unfortunately, my asthmatic lungs will just have to work with people who smoke. I find it difficult to not be hypocritical to some extent in cases like this. While I don't want to be discriminated, I do want to discriminate against people who smoke. It's also totally out of a somewhat conceded point of view. I watched my grandfather pass away of lung cancer, I don't want to experience anything even remotely similar. I also don't want anyone else in the world die from something preventable. I guess in an odd way, this is part of the reason I know weight loss is important. I want to live a long healthy life, I love life.

Okay, I'm jumping off my soapbox for now. Tomorrow I am helping my in-laws move. Should be fun!

Falling off the boat

I fell off my meal plan for a day. Strangely, I am not even worried about. I definitely don't feel guilty about it. I suppose it's because I know tomorrow morning I will just pick up where I left off. One day off my meal plan will not ruin my life. It will set me back, but just by one day. I still make better decisions "off" my meal plan than I would've a few years ago. I've also discovered the food I like has really changed or perhaps my view of food has changed. I just know it is to nourish my body. Sure, I want it to taste good, but I want it to genuinely be good. I guess I think about it like gassing up my car. I wouldn't put diesel in my car, because it doesn't taste as good as unleaded gasoline. Just like homemade tortilla chips with fresh pico tastes better than regular chips and salsa. At my consultation on Tuesday the consultant made an interesting statement...what is the difference between the first bite and the last? Nothing. Nothing. They taste the same. So if you have tasted it, enjoyed it, why wouldn't a person stop when they were full? I wish I knew the answer to this. I used to over eat in part because I didn't want the flavor, the taste, to be over. Which, now that I reflect seems sort of silly. Anyway, I think this realization will help me move forward. I'd really like to lose another 22-25 lbs. before our next trip. That would put be right at 75 lbs. down! I am fairly confident I'll be there. Unless of course we have a baby on the way sometime between now and then. That'd be awesome. I guess either way it's a win, so I'll take weight loss or a baby, whatever I can get.

Sleep on that...

Last night was my sleep study. I was surprised at how nice the technicians were. They sort of felt like long lost family tucking me into bed. They were so personable and the lady had such a soft voice. The technicians were married. I imagine if I ever worked a night shift, I'd want to work it with my husband so we could be on the same schedule. I didn't ask if they had kids. I imagine that would be nearly impossible. Anyway, they hooked up various electrodes, microphones, and wires. Next they helped me into bed.

The sleep study was a split sleep study. Meaning that half way through the night if you have 31 or more episodes of apnea, they wake you up and start a C-PAP machine. Before trying on all the wires, they had me try on various nose pieces. I was amazed. I thought they would be TERRIBLE. Surprisingly, they were not that bad. The one I picked out was simple. Two little silicon rubber pieces that looked like nose plugs slipped into my nostrils. From these pieces a tube just went up and over my head. It was light weight and comfortable. All of the options felt way better than wearing a scuba mask, so I was content. I think the nose piece I tried was new too. Apparently, C-PAP technology is improving.

Once I laid down, they had my move my eyes, wiggle my feet, breathe in various ways, etc. They said good night and left me be. The room was like a hotel room and the bed was very comfortable. I brought my own pillow and slept wonderfully. I usually only sleep on my side or back, which is good for both sleep studies and C-PAP machines. I guess you can't sleep on your belly, because that interferes with everything. Anyway, I fell asleep after a few minutes. I woke up once, I figure I had been asleep like an hour or two. I woke up one other time and thought it must be early in the morning. I was quite pleased to not be woken up to have a C-PAP put on.

At 6 in the morning, they woke me up. I am not a morning person, but was so curious to hear what they had to say. Once they started unhooking everything they told me I only had two episodes of apnea through the whole study. This meant I was not a candidate in anyway for a C-PAP machine. I was also surprised that I didn't grind my teeth at all. I guess I might just clench them sometimes, but apparently I don't have bruxism. I was very pleased with the results. I was even happier that my insurance company paid 100% of the cost of a sleep study.

A number of people asked what prompted me to get one done. Honestly, my weight loss center suggested it. I figured I would humor them and do the paperwork, then politely decline when the co-pay was too high. Imagine how surprised I was to find out I wouldn't pay anything! My parents both have apnea I'm fairly sure. My dad has a terrible time with sleep and my mom has interesting sleep patterns with snoring and such. I was very relieved to know as of right now, I sleep just fine.

As far as being creeped out by people watching me, the couple was so incredibly polite. Once I met them, I didn't even worry about it. In addition, I am not a cute sleeper. I sleep with my mouth open. I am glad I had the study done. It's sort of relief to know that I'm sleeping just fine.

In other random news I am interviewing to be a part of research project this week. They mentioned paying me for my time, but I was pleasantly surprised with the amount. If selected it would provide a nice little cushion for a vacation or some more remodeling. Part of the reason I am being considered for this research project deals with my current weight. My dear husband pointed out I might not be the right body shape anymore. While I still have a considerable amount to lose, I no longer have over a hundred pounds to shed. I no longer qualify for the Biggest Loser! I also carry my weight in such a weigh that most people have no idea how much I weigh. I'm curious though to see how overweight of a person they are looking for. I submitted my BMI when I first contacted the psychologist. They also want to make sure my personality is a match for this project. I also need to see if they have gotten final approval. Last time we visited, they were waiting for a board to vote on whether the study could take place, because it is a deception study. In this case, I am decieving the individuals, that is if I am selected. Should be an interesting experience.

In other random news, my day was totally made today when a co-workers son drew me a picture! It's so awesome. I think he tried to draw an Army tanker. He also sounded out Hoo-Rah (sorry if that's misspelled) and wrote on the tanker. Ahh, I love kiddos!

Finally, I have applied for another job. There are so many people applying for jobs right now, that I don't even expect a call back. I just think that without knowing someone in the agency, the chances of having anyone actually look at my application is slim to none. I am qualified for the position and would probably really enjoy it. It's very similar to what I do now, but far less travel and slightly better hours regarding events. I turned my application in well before the deadline, hopefully it was one of the first and they look at it. I really debated whether I should apply. The jobs pays slightly less ($1,700 per year less to be exact). However, I think it would be worth the trade off to be at home just a little more. It's another non-profit job with a well established agency. I decided there was nothing wrong with applying. If I get an interview and an offer, then I could negotiate or make a tougher decision. Until then, no bother in fretting over whether I'm willing to take a pay cut.

Well, that's it...a day in the life of N's Wonderful World.

Day of Discovery

I have recently discovered a number of random things...here is a list...
1.) Today I realized I have a wrinkle!! I think this is my first wrinkle...groan...if only it were as cute as like a first tooth or my first word. All day I made an attempt not to make the face that causes a wrinkle. I first spotted the wrinkle while pulling in to my driveway today. I pulled down the mirror in the car and made various faces. At first I hoped maybe it was a small cut that would heal and go away. Nope, definitely a wrinkle. Dang it.

2.) I recently realized I only care for like one type of slippers. Yep, who doesn't like slippers? Apparently I don't. I have thought for several years that I loved slippers, after all I love shoes. Why wouldn't I love slippers? Well your feet get sweaty and hot. You can't just pop most pairs in the dryer. Ick. Plus, what's the lifetime of a slipper? How often do you get new ones? How many pairs does a person need? Oh and what is the deal with high heel slippers, does anyone ACTUALLY wear those?

3.) I went to my neighbor's house for a visit this evening. It's the neighbor who's spouse recently passed away. I noticed no one was there, so I decided to go visit. We talked for three hours. She showed me all the flowers they got, told me about the people at the funeral, and talked about her family. She even showed me the Valentine her husband mailed her before passing away. She opened it three hours before he died. She was so sad she didn't get to give him his Valentine, so she put it in the coffin. I felt tears creeping into my eyes when she told me this story. There is something about romance and being with the love of your life, that just chokes me up. Perhaps it's because I know I have the love of my life. Anyway, this was not the realization. The realization was that we might be related! The funeral I went to might be a shirt tail relative on my dad's side?!

4.) Related to number three, the neighbor of the neighbor I might be related to, her son lives less than a block up the street from my mom! It's such a small world.

5.) My great, great maternal grandfather is buried in the same cemetery as my next door neighbors grandfather. Crazy.

6.) Another one about my neighbor...her family homesteaded VERY near where my husband's family has land. Crazy.

7.) I have a sleep study tonight. I was not nervous, until I realized people are watching me sleep. Yikes. That's creepy. I have to be there in about 45 minutes.

8.) Random people tell me bizarre things. Today a man, make that a stranger, told me I had a bright soul and was the candle in this world that provided light to everyone else. Hmm...it was a compliment, but slightly odd.

9.) People notice when you don't wear your wedding ring. My sweet student volunteers pulled me aside to ask in confidence if my marriage was okay. I just have lost enough weight that my wedding ring is too big. I need to go to Claires I guess and buy a new one in a smaller size. Once I stabilize out with weight I'll have mine re-sized. Not to mention I don't like attracting attention from strange older men. Wedding rings are important.

10.) It's nearly impossible for me to write and not make the wrinkle face. Ack. I am far too young for wrinkles, far too young. Not to mention I get a headache trying to relax my face while I write to avoid wrinkles.

So...have you had any realizations today?

Strawberry Chicken Salad with Roasted Sweet Pepper Vinaigrette

I got to sleep in this morning! Woohoo! We got ready to go out for groceries and found lots more snow on the ground. We still went out for groceries. I came home with lots of food to make various recipes. I took pictures and will post the recipes very soon. We really wanted to see a movie today, but there wasn't a lot of choices at the theater, the red box didn't have anything we wanted to see, and the Pay Per View selections weren't too exciting. Have you seen anything really good lately? Last night we watched Up and The Hangover. They were both good in their own special ways, haha.

Okay, I decided to spotlight another 300 calorie or less meal option. I have decided that putting fruit on your salad is an instant hit. When I bring this salad or similar salads to work, no one believes that I made them. They all think I went out to a chain restaurant and brought food back. This salad is best if you are very hungry. Here you go, Strawberry Chicken Salad

Ingredients:

8 oz. romaine lettuce

6 oz. sliced strawberries

4 oz. cooked chicken, seasoned with Mrs. Dash Tomato Basil Seasoning

1 oz. of pepper jack cheese shredded

*Suggested addition Eating Right Roasted Sweet Pepper and Garlic Dressing, this addition brings the total caloric value of the recipe to 311 calories.

I use a large bowl, a soup size bowl will not due in this recipe. Go ahead, get out a mixing bowl! I add my ingredients and toss before adding the dressing. It's simple and delicious. Not to mention the colors are so pretty together. If I were going to modify this recipe I might try a sharper cheese like feta or goat cheese. I think that would be divine. However, those cheeses are not on my current meal plan. In addition to Mrs. Dash on my chicken before I grilled it with the George Foreman grill, I sprinkle more Mrs. Dash on my salad. I love the tomato basil flavor! As I ate this for lunch I thought about taking it to the next potluck we have.

Coming to a blog near you: A Spaghetti Squash Trilogy. Stay tuned!