Book review of How to Eat Like A Hot Chick and my meandering thoughts on beauty

I had a fabulous birthday and wonderful anniversary with my dear husband.  One of my birthday gifts was a gift card to purchase some new books for my Kindle.  One of the books I purchased was How to Eat Like a Hot Chick by Jodi Lipper and Cerina Vincent.  I originally heard about the book on Facebook.  One of my friends was a fan of their How to Live Like a Hot Chick page.  The page offers useful advice for women everywhere.  The advice is often the kind of advice that epitomizes who I want to be, who I think I am, etc.  After reading their posts I started looking in to their books.  I decided to give the How to Eat Like a Hot Chick book a chance.  What I liked about the book is that it is not a diet.  It's just lifestyle changes, maybe not even changes, more like tips.  They also take a perspective that I love...the concept is we are all beautiful.  It's sort of a book on how to live a confident life as the beautiful woman you are.  It's a quick read and I suggest you pick it up or check it out from the library.  Of course like any book there are things to take with a grain of salt.  Most of it though is just straight forward...like how to approach the salad bar, how to splurge, daily habits that make sense, and why eating spinach is great for your body.  I also appreciated that they suggest physical activity, about an hour a day. It's a simple approach and one that really doesn't deprive a person of anything, which I love!
Really, my favorite part of this book is that they don't put words like fat, skinny, and beautiful on the same level.  Words relating to size never relate to beauty! Beauty is something that comes from within, it's your confidence, your personality, who you are.  Even when I am frustrated with losing weight, I still know I am beautiful. I don't think I have a big head or an ego the size of Texas, I'm just confident.  Obviously, I want to lose weight for health reasons and know my quality of life would be improved.  Not because beauty has to do with the size of my pants, but everything to do with what really matters in life! So, I hope all of you know this too.  You are beautiful.

(Psst...this is where I would cue a great song like Mika...Big Girls You Are Beautiful or My Wish by Rascal Flatts)

Summer, summer, summer

I can't believe summer is almost over!  I look back at the season and realize we have done a lot.  I staffed lots of events, took a trip to Montana, attended a couple weddings, I finished my Master's, saw Alan Jackson in concert, landscaped more of our backyard, hosted family from out of town, went fishing, ate smores at the annual Independence day potluck, did a 5k, took walks, and just enjoyed one another's company.  Still, I find myself wanting more summer! Time to go swimming, camping, a few more vacations, Rockie's games, etc.

What's your favorite thing to do in summer?  Like if you were going to recommend one "summer" thing to do, what would it be?

The drama of morbid obesity

Unless you have or are morbidly obese, I’m not sure you will understand the desparity of my situation. I started reading a book today, on the recommendation of my dietician, called Full: A Life without Dieting. My dietician had shared with me that the author of the book is a gentleman who specializes in performing gastric bypass and lap band. She also assured me his book actually suggested other resolves to obesity than bariatric surgery. Thanks to my Kindle, I know I am approximately 14% of the way through the book. I have cried through the first 10% of the book. Not even just slow tears falling down my face, but more like an inconsolable sobbing. It’s the kind of grief I have experienced only a couple of times in my life. The kind that literally causes my heart to feel pain, my body to feel ill, and my eyes to burn with dryness. Naturally, I don’t expect that any other person would have this gut reaction to reading a non-fiction book on dieting.


One of the points in the book is a question that this doctor asks his bariatric surgery patients. He asks them when they first realized they had a weight issue. I thought about this question. I realized that I nearly hate the once-upon-a-time friend’s mother who asked me, “Nacole, you look like you have lost weight, what have you been doing?” Did I mention I was six years old? I can even tell you where I was standing. It was a house near our high school in my home town, the house sat just kitty corner from the school and was always covered in ivy. We were standing in the kitchen, near the window that faced the street. At six years old, I even had a response! I remember telling her I cut back on snacks. I wish I were making this story up, oh how I ache to wish that were all a made up story.

Instead, here I sit. Nearly 20 years later. Morbidly obese. Why? Well, to be honest, I’m not really sure. The first quip that pops into my head is that I have failed at dieting for, ahh, 20 years. Of course I understand that weight loss is calories in and calories out, how many calories are in a pound, the benefits of physical activity, the importance of portion control, a diet that is balanced with proteins, carbohydrates, fat, etc. I know the book and science answer to some extent. What I don’t know is why I’m not strong enough to make it work. Why I can’t continue to make the choices and decisions I know I desperately need to make. I have said for quite some time that it doesn’t really matter what diet plan you follow, as long as you follow it. Yet, here I sit. Here I sit after bawling my eyes out because I can’t follow a diet plan. I can’t follow a plan that could potentially save my life, reduce my risk of cancer, reduce my risk for heart disease, and keep me to the best of my ability out of an early grave. I’m sad, I’m burdened, I’m exhausted. This book pointed out a statistic that I have read numerous times before. The book states, “You see, if you are morbidly obese – on average, about 100 pounds or more over-weight – you are at a distinct disadvantage. There is less than a 5 percent chance that you can lose weight and keep it off. This has been proven by no less than the National Institutes of Health. So that is why my bariatric surgery practice exists. I want to give my patients a fighting chance.”

I’ll be very honest, I’ve been very critical of bariatric surgery. Very critical. I’ve seen more people go through it and come out with minimal success than I’d care to share. I have a co-worker who has lost over 100 lbs on it. I have two family members who have lost some amount of weight, although certainly not enough in my mind to justify the over $20,000 it costs. I also don’t think it’s flattering the way the weight comes off. People seem to lose it in odd places. See, told you I was critical. So, here I sit. Frustrated with my efforts, not sure where to dig down deep and find strength. I know my body is a temple. I know I deserve the best. I know this. What I don’t know is why these things don’t all connect and stop me from taking another bite of my delicious dinner, even after I’m full. Why it doesn’t stop me from eating out of boredom. Why I’m seemingly unable to pick a plan and just stick to it. Why, why, why? For tonight, I’m out of answers. I’m stuck and I don’t know where to go from here. In case you are vaguely curious, bariatric surgery is not covered by my insurance and if I had $20,000 I have other places I would spend it. I’m not really considering this option, just happened to be a focal point of the book I am reading, a suggestion a doctor gave me, and this lingering concept in the back of my head that I have long dismissed. The real point is the stupid stat on 5% of the morbidly obese population being unable to lose weight and keep it off. Sure, I’d like to think I fall into that driven 5% of people, but don’t we all think that on some level? Couldn’t I just be another one of the more likely 95% of people who can’t, don’t, won’t, etc.? Obviously, I don’t have answers to these questions. I just needed to vent, put everything down into words, so I could try and get some sleep. I’m desperate for a healthier life and somehow in my world, the dots are not connecting…

Wedded Bliss

This week we traveled to Wyoming for our friends T & T to get married.  It was such a fabulous wedding.  These two have been inseparable since they met and we were so ecstatic to be a part of their special day.  We had so much fun with the wedding party and catching up with people I hadn't seen in a few years!  I got to have dinner with my cousin Char, play poker over a few drinks...just like college, we got to help set up for the wedding and bond with the families, the rehearsal dinner was wonderful, and the wedding was of course spectacular.  At the rehearsal dinner I was wearing black leggings with heels and a cute little black dress.  When I went to get out of the car my dress blew up.  Not sort of or kind of, but clear up to my face...and the back of my head! I was fortunate only my husband and T & T saw...I think!  After a few giggles we went inside for a great dinner, drinks, and lots of fun.  I got a really cool gift bag with all sorts of goodies to pamper myself...even a robe with my name and a new blanket! 

The wedding day was fantastic, we had our pedicures and manicures done in advance.  I also got a sunless tan and had my hair done.  My hair took 47 bobby pins and I'm guessing a half a can of hairspray, but it stayed in beautifully! The ceremony was really nice and I had to stop myself from crying nearly a dozen times.  I was so happy thinking about how amazing God is, how beautiful love is, how great of a couple T & T are, and how much I love my husband.  Life is so good. The reception was a blast.  We had just the right wedding party to pull off a dancing entrance.  There was a photo booth, candy bar, games for the kids, and so many wonderful people.  The happy couple left on their honeymoon (despite making a grand exit and needing to jump the car).  I couldn't be happier for the pair and was so happy to be part of their special day. 

Did I just win the lottery?

On Wednesday we went to a doctor's appointment with my fertility doctor. It took me a few months to get to a place where I was ready to walk through the doors of his office.  It has been so bittersweet.  His office has offered us hope, but it's still difficult to walk into an office and see other people happily pregnant.  I was excited to see the staff again, they are amazing.  We got there and were greeted with smiles, how are you's, etc.  Everyone was so sincere.  There was one other couple in the waiting room. I could tell they were there for their first consultation appointment. After sitting for just a minute, our doctor called us back.

We sat down and chatted about the days events, just making small talk.  Eventually, we got to talking about our IVF cycle.  The doctor said the staff had reviewed my file that morning and even after 27 years, occasionally a case comes along that still makes them tear up.  He said they were so hopeful for us, so happy for our success, and so heart broken over our loss.  We talked about what may have been the cause of a miscarriage.  It's difficult to tell whether it could be an egg quality issue or a sperm quality issue.  Some of the research from scholarly journal articles that I have read and my doctor has studied include miscarriage rates sharply declining when bmi is below a certain number.  I acknowledged that I'd be ready to jump right back in the saddle again, but would like to get to my weight loss goal.  I proceeded to say that it was sort of a ridiculous thought because even though I could reach my weight loss goal, that didn't mean I would have the funds needed to attempt IVF again.  This is where the doctor said that after talking to his staff, they want to help us out.  I could've jumped up and given him a kiss on the cheek.  He went on to say they wouldn't be able to help with the cost of medication, but they had contacted pharmacies to see if they would donate the samples we need to get through a cycle.  It was clear he had put a lot of thought into our story.  I seriously felt like I won the lottery. 

In addition to helping with the cost, he has brand new technology he wants to use.  It deals with the oxygen ratio that the embryos are held in.  Science has not figured out a way to emulate the unique nutrition offered from each woman to an embryo in utero, so there is not a tissue that can just be used.  Instead embryos are kept in an oxygenated environment in the lab.  The levels of oxygen can be regulated and some reports claim the success is higher in lower oxygen environments.  No report has claimed lower success.  The machine won't be tested and up for running for a little while.  This is perfect, because I need a little while to work on weight loss. 

I still feel like I could've just won the lottery, God is so good to me!

A sign of the thesis times...

My signature page came!  This might not mean anything to 99% of the population, but to me it is a sign of completion!  Following my thesis defense, I got a "nice to work with you" message from my advisor.  That was it.  I was assuming this meant my thesis had been accepted, but wouldn't know for a fact until I got a signature page in the mail.  It came on Saturday.  It came in a big white envelope and is printed on a nice paper.  I couldn't believe my eyes.  Now I get to print, bind, and send the finished product back to be cataloged in the library.  Hallelujah. I made it.  I did it. I am so proud of this work, all 94 pages of it!  Next on the docket...my last class.  It starts on Monday and is a class in Servant Leadership.  Upon completion I will have not only completed my Master's degree, but also earned a certificate in Servant Leadership.  Eight weeks from now my course work for this program will be done and I will have a new set of credentials to add to my resume! Cheers to academia!

Gluten what?

Since my doctor told me to cut down my refined carbs to one meal and focus on gluten free, I have been slow to change.  I didn't want to rush right out and buy a bunch of gluten free products that I was only going to eat at one meal a day.  Instead, I decided to cut down to carbs at one meal a day and use up some of what we have in the house.  I had also planned on being part of a pie and cake competition on Saturday.  They of course had a tasting after the judges had tried their pieces.  I wanted to taste the "competition".  Then proceeded to taste a couple of other treats.  My pie took second place...out of two pies.  The winning pie was apple and mine was peanut butter.  I don't think mine won because I work for the organization having the contest.  The pie that won was not as good as the ones my family has made.  Plus, everyone kept going back to my pie for seconds, thirds, and fourths.  That didn't happen with the winning pie.  Anyway, I brought a cake home from the cake & pie auction which we shared with our brother & sister-in-law.  I had a headache that evening and went to bed early.  I woke up with a terrible headache and upset stomach.  I blame it on the myriad of gluten products I ate the day before.  Sigh...anyway, it prompted me to change the dessert I had planned to make for our dinner party.  I was going to bake an angel food cake with strawberries.  Instead, I made a flourless chocolate cake and will garnish with whipped cream and strawberries.  Here is the recipe.  It tastes wonderful, but it stuck to the pan a little, so mine is a little funny shaped, like a pancake.  It was surprisingly easy to make. 

I was also happy to try some new gluten free crackers today.  I slept in really late this morning, woke up to breakfast in bed, and wasn't quite ready for a big lunch.  I decided to have some soup with crackers and cheese.  My Progresso Clam Chowder was gluten free and already in my cupboard.  I had purchased some sesame crackers that are really tasty!  My dear husband who is a carb lover, even likes my sesame crackers.  They were super crispy, salty, and delicious. I think everyone should try them!