Mojo back?

Today was day two that I decided to start eating better again. I did good yesterday and I did well today.  I decided to keep track with Weight Watchers.  Partially because I can do it with one of my relatives and also because I have all of the tools.  I also like not being restricted.  I was proud of myself yesterday because we went out for dinner and I didn't like what I ordered. Normally, I would have ate it anyway, because I feel guilty not eating it. Not yesterday.  I didn't eat it and I didn't take any to go.  I was very content with my decision and empowered!  Today I had lunch at TGI Fridays. I tried to make a decent decision on what I ordered.  I did pretty good overall. This evening we went for a 40 minute walk.  It feels good to be back to taking care of me.  I just decided I wasn't going to let anything defeat me.  I have discovered I am a resilient person and I started this weight loss journey quite a while ago, I just made a pit stop. So after resting, I am continuing on my journey.  I also like the new Weight Watcher program because you can eat fruit and veggies when you are hungry.  They have a points value of zero.  I am able to stay within my points range easily most days, even eating out. Anyway, cheers to having my mojo back!

Thesis Update

I have a lot of editing still to do, but am EXCITED beyond words after an e-mail I received today. The program's administrative staff e-mailed me today to schedule orals! I was nervous because I had not received a date, time, e-mail, etc. about this.  You have to be selected for orals to complete the thesis.  I thought that maybe because it had taken me a little longer in different points that they would make me wait a whole semester to complete my thesis.  This is a huge weight off my shoulders! For this evening, I am just excited beyond words.  I am sure I will get nervous as the date looms, but for tonight I am so happy.

I mentioned this in my last post (I think), but here is what my mentor said about my work:

Hi N, it looks really good to me. Very impressive work in such a short time. Great going! I concentrated on the appendix materials for this work as I think you've already responded to all of The Advisor's comments.
One change - you need to type "Gandhi" not "Ghandi." (**okay, this is N typing, I ALWAYS make this error, lol...must learn to spell Gandhi!**) Also, I think your appendix and materials are really very thorough. I'm quite impressed with the amount of work you've done in that - it really does look like a very good and thorough thesis. I am quite confident in your ability to be able to market this course to a college. You might want to think of a way in which you could tailor this course to an online/remote audience, as that might improve your chances of getting this course accepted by a college.

Thanks, and I look forward to seeing your finalized thesis,

My Mentor
 
Anyway, I am pumped to work on my thesis, this was just the boost I needed. Thesis, rock on.

In my part of the world

In my wonderful corner of the world I have today off! I slept in, then was pleasantly surprised to see my sister call (I expected it to be work), listened to the birds chirp, and just snuggled under the blankets.  When I got up I actually had time to eat breakfast.  I've been drinking Slim Fast shakes just to have something on my way out the door and eating protein bars for lunch, just to eat real quick.  I am so ecstatic that I have a free day to leisurely shower, workout, go grocery shopping, etc.  I was telling my sister that I can't remember the last time I showered and wasn't in a rush to get somewhere.  Today I can actually take the time to, oh, I don't know...shave?! Yay! Funny how the little things in life matter. I also have not been grocery shopping in a couple weeks.  I love living life, but I also love having time to do little things that matter.
Last night one of my volunteers shared with me he had lost 80 lbs. I was so impressed. It makes my 65 look small. Since I met him, I always thought he was just "born small".  I was inspired. He has a difficult job as a case worker and I figure if he can lose 80 lbs, so can I.  As I make my grocery list, I am keeping this mind. I know what to do, I just need to value myself and my time enough to do it.
I was also pleasantly surprised when I came home from work late last night to find my advisor and mentor had both sent me feedback for my thesis project. I expected to be put off for a while, so to have less than 24 hour turn around is so impressive. I plan to work on editing this afternoon.  I also want to work out, maybe do Zumba or another video or go for a nice long walk. My workout equipment is currently blocked as that area has a new piece of equipment under construction! The dear husband has been putting together a brand new home gym...thanks Uncle Sam for the tax return and WalMart for everyday low prices...sometimes.
I was going to title my blog, the funny things in N's Wonderful World, but then I couldn't remember the funny things I wanted to share. I can remember two. One is that as I was looking in the bathroom mirror this morning, I thought I could see someone off to my right. I sort of jumped in shock. I realized it was a piece of my hair...yep. I have crazy bed head when I wake up and my hair is all over until I brush it, apparently it's pretty scary.  Also, speaking of my thesis feedback, I had to borrow the dear hubby's computer while I was sans laptop.  Apparently, my advisor looks at the track changes features a lot because she asked me, "Who is Jbug?" in the comments section of my thesis. I laughed out loud.  That's the hubby's nick name that only I refer to him as.  I was slightly embarrassed and am not sure where it is appropriate to answer that question, in the Blackboard column, in an e-mail, etc.  I'm sure she is just checking to make sure it's all my original work.  Either way, when you are naming your computer, you may want to steer clear of funny nicknames if you will be tracking changes. 
Okay, I am off to enjoy the rest of my day! Yay time for blogging and loving life!

Life marches on...

The past month has been crazy.  I took a couple days off the beginning of March to process life.  A co-worker left our office the following week and my workload grew substantially. We got to spend an evening with some new friends and another evening with the brother and sister-in-law and sweet niece. I got to staff a Crop For A Cure and make a few cards the middle of the month, I think this is exactly what I needed, a day of doing something I loved. I was constantly surprised by the things that made us happy for an instant, most of them were things I didn't even know I needed...like people ordering meals, flowers filled with butterflies, nights with other people, etc.
Right after my Crop For A Cure event I traveled to Spokane, WA to complete my practicum for my Master's degree.  I am really not the type of person who is ever homesick.  This trip was one of the hardest I have ever gone on.  I didn't want to leave the dear husband, not for one day, let alone 4-5 days. Fortunately, the practicum kept me so busy that I didn't have a moment to text or even think about anything.  I did pretty good until I heard a speech on adoption and the professor leading the class was giving feedback to the speaker.  He suggested she makes some points on who might be interested in adoption and suggested those having difficulty with fertility.  I had teared up before, but this forced me to stand up, leave the room, bawl my eyes out, pull my self back together, and come back a few minutes later.  I was able to quickly compose myself, but it was a reminder that I still grieve. I was so happy to fly home to my dear husband.  An added bonus was my friend T was in town! She came to do some wedding shopping and I got to throw her a bridal shower. The dear hubby woke up sick that Saturday morning.  He was so miserable!  I felt so bad for him.
The bridal shower was fantastic! I hosted it at a little tea house nearby. We got to dress up, drink tea, enjoy scone and finger sandwiches.  We also got to catch up with friends we hadn't seen in years! We had such an enjoyable time!  I even got to go hot tubbing while she was in town.
Last week I worked four nights in a row and Saturday.  In the middle of my practicum my computer died, so the hubby and I spent one evening searching for a laptop. When we found the perfect one it wasn't available.  We also went to purchase a home gym, when we got there the price had changed. With absolutely no shopping luck, we went home.  On Saturday we celebrated my mother-in-law's birthday at Olive Garden. Later, I competed in a chili cookoff for work.  I didn't win, but got tons of compliments and people asking if they could pay me to make the chili for them! That's pretty cool.  Saturday evening we had company over and played games. On Sunday I got to meet my friend S for lunch at an Indian food place.  The food was better than the other Indian place near by, but not nearly as good as what I had with my sister in Fargo, ND! The best part was getting to hang out with S! After lunch I went to my matron-of-honor dress fitting at David's Bridal where they temporarily lost my shoes.  Fortunately, they found my shoes and I didn't  need a single alteration on my dress.  Sunday afternoon I worked on my thesis.  I woke up on Monday, called in to work to say I wouldn't be there on account of I needed to use my flex time, and spent 12 hours working on my thesis.  My brain was so fried by the time I went to bed last night! The good news is I am back on track with my thesis! I had gotten behind with all the chaos this month, but am back on schedule.  My advisor encouraged me to take a break and finish in the fall, but some how I felt like that was defeat.  I refused to let the goings on in life defeat me.  I didn't have any idea how strong I could be until this month and I was darned if I was going to get this far to surrender on graduating in July!  So, I have submitted my work.  Hopefully, they accept my work with minimal changes.  I am helping staff an event this week and fly to Seattle on Friday.  I come back Sunday afternoon.  I am not as apprehensive about this trip.  I love traveling to Seattle and am excited to work there for a few days.  Honestly, I am also excited for April. April has to get better than March.  I come back to staffing an event for a few hundred people, but am looking forward to a hopefully more relaxing month. 

Miscarriage

Shortly after finding out we were expecting a series of blood tests indicated I was having a miscarriage.  I was amazed at how quickly the few symptoms of pregnancy I had went away.  We have grieved and continue to grieve.  We have no idea what life has in store for us next.  I do know that God must have some amazing plan for us, it's hard to possibly imagine what that plan could be, but I'm confident that it's His plan.  We have been touched by the amount of love and support our family and friends have shown us.  Thanks for your love, support, and care.

Pregnant

This morning I went in for my first of three blood tests.  I was so nervous all the way to the doctor's office and all the way home.  The phlebometamist said that my blood needed time to clot and she would have results around 9:45.  This was at 9.  When I went in for my transfer the doctor said I would have results in less than two hours.  When two hours came and went, I called the office.  No one answered, so I left a message for the on call staff.  Thirty minutes later, no one had called back.  The message when I originally called said to expect a return call in under 15 minutes. I decided to call back in, because I may not have left my original message on the correct answering system.  About 15 minutes later, we got a phone call from the nurse. I put her on speaker phone for the hubby to hear.  She asked me how I was doing, I thought she was being pretty chipper if she was going to deliver any bad news. Anyway, she said, "I just got off the phone with the lab and your HCG level was a 9.6"  There was a pause as I processed the fact anything over a 5 meant pregnancy and I said, "I'm pregnant?!"  She said, "Yes, you are pregnant, congratulations!"  She did say my levels were on the low end, so she was going to call the doctor and consult with him.  A few minutes later my doctor called back and increased my progesterone from one shot a day to two shots a day.  I go back on Tuesday for a second blood draw.  We are praying that the HCG number has at least doubled or more.  I also go back on Thursday morning.

Here are some fun facts...

A few weeks ago my mom had a prediction that she would find out I was pregnant the same day she found out my sister was accepted into medical school. Guess what, my sister found out late last night and we announced this afternoon!

The due date will probably be November 5, 2011.

I am guessing we are pregnant with one wonderful baby, but we find out for sure in a couple weeks!

I think this is a HUGE testament to the power of prayer.  Thanks again for all of your love, support, and prayers. Please keep praying for my numbers to rise and a healthy pregnancy.

The hubby and I are ecstatic.  I think this is the second happiest day of my life (the first was marrying my dear husband)!

In the 2 Week Wait Update

So, I am feeling a little more optimistic.  There are a few reasons, so I will go through them chronologically backward.

Through this whole journey I have had this really terrible thought process that maybe my inability to become pregnant was somehow God's way of punishing me for my actions when I was younger.  Today at church the sermon was about love.  The part that jumped out at me was when the pastor talked about our God not being a God of retribution.  If our God was a God of retribution, we would all be, well in pretty bad shape if here at all!  Instead we have a God of love.  A God who has made us in His image and forgives us, because he is a loving God.  I am so thankful we went to church this morning, because this was the message I needed to hear.  Not to mention, our pastors are so kind.  As soon as we walked in both pastors came right up!  One of them pointed at us (like we were just the people he wanted to see) and walked over, sat down, and asked how IVF was going. Despite the fact he had tons of people to talk to, he sat and checked in with us right until church started.  He really seems to understand what infertility and trying to conceive is like.  It makes me wonder if he has had first hand experience, because he is so compassionate.  Just in case you are wondering, we had two pastors today, the one who gave the sermon was our intern pastor from Wisconsin and the one who sat with us for a while is our normal pastor.  Anyway, it was so nice to hear messages of love. 

On that note, I cannot even begin to tell all of you how much your love and support have helped the past few days especially.  I appreciate your prayers, love, friendship, and sisterhood more than I can even imagine.  Whether it's remembering us with flowers, a note on your Facebook comments, a comment on our blog, a call, or text, it has been exponentially helpful.  I am so blessed to have you in my lives.

I have been having some abdominal cramps which I think is a good sign.  I have had a series of other comical symptoms, but I chalk them all up to my daily shots of progesterone and estrogen patches.  Just for fun-sake here is what I'm experiencing: I am SO hungry,  I am wanting to eat some different foods than normal like fried chicken, I am nearly to a point where I want to sleep with a bra on, I have gagged twice- once over the smell of a dry erase marker being used on a white board and later when my piece of pizza had a tiny piece of Italian sausage that had a faint flavor of anise. They truly are a result of the drugs I am on.  They want your body to think and act like it's pregnant hoping the embryos have implanted.  The result is symptoms that are very difficult to sort out from what's pregnancy and what's drugs.  It's all sort of comical though.

Another piece of information that I found helpful was that embryos don't typically do well after day 6 outside of the uterus.  They much prefer to be toasting like buns in an oven in a natural environment.  I felt much better learning and understanding this.  The doctor said the fact the others didn't make it to freeze had no impact on the success of the ones that were transferred.

I am more at peace, more hopeful, and am thinking positive thoughts at this point. The wait is really seeming crazy long at this point, fortunately I have a busy next couple of weeks at work to keep me rather distracted!

Thanks again for all of your love and support.