Thursday, April 14, 2011
Defeat: 2; N: 0
Even though I said I was done being defeated, I'd be lieing if I said it hasn't been difficult. Two nights in a row I have found myself feeling defeated for one reason or another. Tonight is a reoccurring issue. I see something inside myself that I just feel like no one else sees. It's so frustrating and feels like a constant fight with the rest of the world to prove who I am. The worst part is I have this rebellious streak that thinks, well if you think/say/do that, then I'll just continue x behavior to prove you wrong. I'm also upset because the thing I feel like I'm proving to the world, I used to really believe and now I question. Which leads me to wonder if no one else sees what's inside of me, because I don't see it any longer. Ugh...defeat. I know I can work through anything, I just underestimated how challenging anything can be. I have tomorrow off and am hoping to sleep in and wake up feeling less defeated.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Poll
It's a different perspective than what I have heard before, there are no right or wrong answers, I'm just purely curious what your view points are. Also, I'd encourage you to comment before reading other people's comments. I want to know your unique response. If you comment and then want to go back and read other comments and comment back, feel free. I look forward to reading your thoughts.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Mojo back?
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Thesis Update
I have a lot of editing still to do, but am EXCITED beyond words after an e-mail I received today. The program's administrative staff e-mailed me today to schedule orals! I was nervous because I had not received a date, time, e-mail, etc. about this. You have to be selected for orals to complete the thesis. I thought that maybe because it had taken me a little longer in different points that they would make me wait a whole semester to complete my thesis. This is a huge weight off my shoulders! For this evening, I am just excited beyond words. I am sure I will get nervous as the date looms, but for tonight I am so happy.
I mentioned this in my last post (I think), but here is what my mentor said about my work:
Hi N, it looks really good to me. Very impressive work in such a short time. Great going! I concentrated on the appendix materials for this work as I think you've already responded to all of The Advisor's comments.
One change - you need to type "Gandhi" not "Ghandi." (**okay, this is N typing, I ALWAYS make this error, lol...must learn to spell Gandhi!**) Also, I think your appendix and materials are really very thorough. I'm quite impressed with the amount of work you've done in that - it really does look like a very good and thorough thesis. I am quite confident in your ability to be able to market this course to a college. You might want to think of a way in which you could tailor this course to an online/remote audience, as that might improve your chances of getting this course accepted by a college.
Thanks, and I look forward to seeing your finalized thesis,
My Mentor
Anyway, I am pumped to work on my thesis, this was just the boost I needed. Thesis, rock on.
I mentioned this in my last post (I think), but here is what my mentor said about my work:
Hi N, it looks really good to me. Very impressive work in such a short time. Great going! I concentrated on the appendix materials for this work as I think you've already responded to all of The Advisor's comments.
One change - you need to type "Gandhi" not "Ghandi." (**okay, this is N typing, I ALWAYS make this error, lol...must learn to spell Gandhi!**) Also, I think your appendix and materials are really very thorough. I'm quite impressed with the amount of work you've done in that - it really does look like a very good and thorough thesis. I am quite confident in your ability to be able to market this course to a college. You might want to think of a way in which you could tailor this course to an online/remote audience, as that might improve your chances of getting this course accepted by a college.
Thanks, and I look forward to seeing your finalized thesis,
My Mentor
Anyway, I am pumped to work on my thesis, this was just the boost I needed. Thesis, rock on.
In my part of the world
In my wonderful corner of the world I have today off! I slept in, then was pleasantly surprised to see my sister call (I expected it to be work), listened to the birds chirp, and just snuggled under the blankets. When I got up I actually had time to eat breakfast. I've been drinking Slim Fast shakes just to have something on my way out the door and eating protein bars for lunch, just to eat real quick. I am so ecstatic that I have a free day to leisurely shower, workout, go grocery shopping, etc. I was telling my sister that I can't remember the last time I showered and wasn't in a rush to get somewhere. Today I can actually take the time to, oh, I don't know...shave?! Yay! Funny how the little things in life matter. I also have not been grocery shopping in a couple weeks. I love living life, but I also love having time to do little things that matter.
Last night one of my volunteers shared with me he had lost 80 lbs. I was so impressed. It makes my 65 look small. Since I met him, I always thought he was just "born small". I was inspired. He has a difficult job as a case worker and I figure if he can lose 80 lbs, so can I. As I make my grocery list, I am keeping this mind. I know what to do, I just need to value myself and my time enough to do it.
I was also pleasantly surprised when I came home from work late last night to find my advisor and mentor had both sent me feedback for my thesis project. I expected to be put off for a while, so to have less than 24 hour turn around is so impressive. I plan to work on editing this afternoon. I also want to work out, maybe do Zumba or another video or go for a nice long walk. My workout equipment is currently blocked as that area has a new piece of equipment under construction! The dear husband has been putting together a brand new home gym...thanks Uncle Sam for the tax return and WalMart for everyday low prices...sometimes.
I was going to title my blog, the funny things in N's Wonderful World, but then I couldn't remember the funny things I wanted to share. I can remember two. One is that as I was looking in the bathroom mirror this morning, I thought I could see someone off to my right. I sort of jumped in shock. I realized it was a piece of my hair...yep. I have crazy bed head when I wake up and my hair is all over until I brush it, apparently it's pretty scary. Also, speaking of my thesis feedback, I had to borrow the dear hubby's computer while I was sans laptop. Apparently, my advisor looks at the track changes features a lot because she asked me, "Who is Jbug?" in the comments section of my thesis. I laughed out loud. That's the hubby's nick name that only I refer to him as. I was slightly embarrassed and am not sure where it is appropriate to answer that question, in the Blackboard column, in an e-mail, etc. I'm sure she is just checking to make sure it's all my original work. Either way, when you are naming your computer, you may want to steer clear of funny nicknames if you will be tracking changes.
Okay, I am off to enjoy the rest of my day! Yay time for blogging and loving life!
Last night one of my volunteers shared with me he had lost 80 lbs. I was so impressed. It makes my 65 look small. Since I met him, I always thought he was just "born small". I was inspired. He has a difficult job as a case worker and I figure if he can lose 80 lbs, so can I. As I make my grocery list, I am keeping this mind. I know what to do, I just need to value myself and my time enough to do it.
I was also pleasantly surprised when I came home from work late last night to find my advisor and mentor had both sent me feedback for my thesis project. I expected to be put off for a while, so to have less than 24 hour turn around is so impressive. I plan to work on editing this afternoon. I also want to work out, maybe do Zumba or another video or go for a nice long walk. My workout equipment is currently blocked as that area has a new piece of equipment under construction! The dear husband has been putting together a brand new home gym...thanks Uncle Sam for the tax return and WalMart for everyday low prices...sometimes.
I was going to title my blog, the funny things in N's Wonderful World, but then I couldn't remember the funny things I wanted to share. I can remember two. One is that as I was looking in the bathroom mirror this morning, I thought I could see someone off to my right. I sort of jumped in shock. I realized it was a piece of my hair...yep. I have crazy bed head when I wake up and my hair is all over until I brush it, apparently it's pretty scary. Also, speaking of my thesis feedback, I had to borrow the dear hubby's computer while I was sans laptop. Apparently, my advisor looks at the track changes features a lot because she asked me, "Who is Jbug?" in the comments section of my thesis. I laughed out loud. That's the hubby's nick name that only I refer to him as. I was slightly embarrassed and am not sure where it is appropriate to answer that question, in the Blackboard column, in an e-mail, etc. I'm sure she is just checking to make sure it's all my original work. Either way, when you are naming your computer, you may want to steer clear of funny nicknames if you will be tracking changes.
Okay, I am off to enjoy the rest of my day! Yay time for blogging and loving life!
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Life marches on...
The past month has been crazy. I took a couple days off the beginning of March to process life. A co-worker left our office the following week and my workload grew substantially. We got to spend an evening with some new friends and another evening with the brother and sister-in-law and sweet niece. I got to staff a Crop For A Cure and make a few cards the middle of the month, I think this is exactly what I needed, a day of doing something I loved. I was constantly surprised by the things that made us happy for an instant, most of them were things I didn't even know I needed...like people ordering meals, flowers filled with butterflies, nights with other people, etc.
Right after my Crop For A Cure event I traveled to Spokane, WA to complete my practicum for my Master's degree. I am really not the type of person who is ever homesick. This trip was one of the hardest I have ever gone on. I didn't want to leave the dear husband, not for one day, let alone 4-5 days. Fortunately, the practicum kept me so busy that I didn't have a moment to text or even think about anything. I did pretty good until I heard a speech on adoption and the professor leading the class was giving feedback to the speaker. He suggested she makes some points on who might be interested in adoption and suggested those having difficulty with fertility. I had teared up before, but this forced me to stand up, leave the room, bawl my eyes out, pull my self back together, and come back a few minutes later. I was able to quickly compose myself, but it was a reminder that I still grieve. I was so happy to fly home to my dear husband. An added bonus was my friend T was in town! She came to do some wedding shopping and I got to throw her a bridal shower. The dear hubby woke up sick that Saturday morning. He was so miserable! I felt so bad for him.
The bridal shower was fantastic! I hosted it at a little tea house nearby. We got to dress up, drink tea, enjoy scone and finger sandwiches. We also got to catch up with friends we hadn't seen in years! We had such an enjoyable time! I even got to go hot tubbing while she was in town.
Last week I worked four nights in a row and Saturday. In the middle of my practicum my computer died, so the hubby and I spent one evening searching for a laptop. When we found the perfect one it wasn't available. We also went to purchase a home gym, when we got there the price had changed. With absolutely no shopping luck, we went home. On Saturday we celebrated my mother-in-law's birthday at Olive Garden. Later, I competed in a chili cookoff for work. I didn't win, but got tons of compliments and people asking if they could pay me to make the chili for them! That's pretty cool. Saturday evening we had company over and played games. On Sunday I got to meet my friend S for lunch at an Indian food place. The food was better than the other Indian place near by, but not nearly as good as what I had with my sister in Fargo, ND! The best part was getting to hang out with S! After lunch I went to my matron-of-honor dress fitting at David's Bridal where they temporarily lost my shoes. Fortunately, they found my shoes and I didn't need a single alteration on my dress. Sunday afternoon I worked on my thesis. I woke up on Monday, called in to work to say I wouldn't be there on account of I needed to use my flex time, and spent 12 hours working on my thesis. My brain was so fried by the time I went to bed last night! The good news is I am back on track with my thesis! I had gotten behind with all the chaos this month, but am back on schedule. My advisor encouraged me to take a break and finish in the fall, but some how I felt like that was defeat. I refused to let the goings on in life defeat me. I didn't have any idea how strong I could be until this month and I was darned if I was going to get this far to surrender on graduating in July! So, I have submitted my work. Hopefully, they accept my work with minimal changes. I am helping staff an event this week and fly to Seattle on Friday. I come back Sunday afternoon. I am not as apprehensive about this trip. I love traveling to Seattle and am excited to work there for a few days. Honestly, I am also excited for April. April has to get better than March. I come back to staffing an event for a few hundred people, but am looking forward to a hopefully more relaxing month.
Right after my Crop For A Cure event I traveled to Spokane, WA to complete my practicum for my Master's degree. I am really not the type of person who is ever homesick. This trip was one of the hardest I have ever gone on. I didn't want to leave the dear husband, not for one day, let alone 4-5 days. Fortunately, the practicum kept me so busy that I didn't have a moment to text or even think about anything. I did pretty good until I heard a speech on adoption and the professor leading the class was giving feedback to the speaker. He suggested she makes some points on who might be interested in adoption and suggested those having difficulty with fertility. I had teared up before, but this forced me to stand up, leave the room, bawl my eyes out, pull my self back together, and come back a few minutes later. I was able to quickly compose myself, but it was a reminder that I still grieve. I was so happy to fly home to my dear husband. An added bonus was my friend T was in town! She came to do some wedding shopping and I got to throw her a bridal shower. The dear hubby woke up sick that Saturday morning. He was so miserable! I felt so bad for him.
The bridal shower was fantastic! I hosted it at a little tea house nearby. We got to dress up, drink tea, enjoy scone and finger sandwiches. We also got to catch up with friends we hadn't seen in years! We had such an enjoyable time! I even got to go hot tubbing while she was in town.
Last week I worked four nights in a row and Saturday. In the middle of my practicum my computer died, so the hubby and I spent one evening searching for a laptop. When we found the perfect one it wasn't available. We also went to purchase a home gym, when we got there the price had changed. With absolutely no shopping luck, we went home. On Saturday we celebrated my mother-in-law's birthday at Olive Garden. Later, I competed in a chili cookoff for work. I didn't win, but got tons of compliments and people asking if they could pay me to make the chili for them! That's pretty cool. Saturday evening we had company over and played games. On Sunday I got to meet my friend S for lunch at an Indian food place. The food was better than the other Indian place near by, but not nearly as good as what I had with my sister in Fargo, ND! The best part was getting to hang out with S! After lunch I went to my matron-of-honor dress fitting at David's Bridal where they temporarily lost my shoes. Fortunately, they found my shoes and I didn't need a single alteration on my dress. Sunday afternoon I worked on my thesis. I woke up on Monday, called in to work to say I wouldn't be there on account of I needed to use my flex time, and spent 12 hours working on my thesis. My brain was so fried by the time I went to bed last night! The good news is I am back on track with my thesis! I had gotten behind with all the chaos this month, but am back on schedule. My advisor encouraged me to take a break and finish in the fall, but some how I felt like that was defeat. I refused to let the goings on in life defeat me. I didn't have any idea how strong I could be until this month and I was darned if I was going to get this far to surrender on graduating in July! So, I have submitted my work. Hopefully, they accept my work with minimal changes. I am helping staff an event this week and fly to Seattle on Friday. I come back Sunday afternoon. I am not as apprehensive about this trip. I love traveling to Seattle and am excited to work there for a few days. Honestly, I am also excited for April. April has to get better than March. I come back to staffing an event for a few hundred people, but am looking forward to a hopefully more relaxing month.
Miscarriage
Shortly after finding out we were expecting a series of blood tests indicated I was having a miscarriage. I was amazed at how quickly the few symptoms of pregnancy I had went away. We have grieved and continue to grieve. We have no idea what life has in store for us next. I do know that God must have some amazing plan for us, it's hard to possibly imagine what that plan could be, but I'm confident that it's His plan. We have been touched by the amount of love and support our family and friends have shown us. Thanks for your love, support, and care.
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